I Have Been Blessed

I've been home for a week now. Everyday I've seemed to get a little better and better. I had a few days where I over exerted myself a bit. I just want some of my independence back and have tried to do too much. I end up paying for it and am just in pain at the end of the day. So I've learned to just take it easy right now and only do a tiny bit as I can. I had a scare when my incision started having some discharge. My discharge papers from the hospital said that if it had that to call the doctor. So I really worried about it until I heard from the doctor that it was OK and there was no worry of infection. I've been taking an antibiotic four times a day, so hopefully that has warded anything nasty off. I guess that I've forgotten that I had a major surgery and it's only been a little over two weeks. I'm so ready to do things for myself, but it's going to be a long road to recovery.

I was so blessed to go to church Sunday morning. The kids were picked up for Sunday school and Carrie and I planned on going to the main service as it's hard for me to sit upright for any length of time. I miss being in church so much. Anyway, we were late getting out of the house because we were trying to get my wheelchair folded up and into the car. We were just running late in general I guess. When we got to the church I decided to use my walker to walk into the church and sit in one of the comfy rockers that they usually pull out of the nursing room for me. Brother JP always gets one for me and puts it next to my pew so I can be comfortable during the service (I think that is so sweet and kind). As I walked into the church towards my pew the congregation was singing the hymn Victory In Jesus (which is one of my favorite hymns from childhood, it's always touched my soul). As I hobbled down the aisle with my walker and one leg they sang the line "I heard about his healing, of his cleansing pow'r revealing how he made the lame to walk again and caused the blind to see, and then I cried
dear Jesus, come and heal my broken spirit and somehow Jesus came and brought to me the victory." The tears just fell down my face as soon as I came in and heard them singing that. My heart is just always so tender in church and I'm always so moved by the hymns and can feel the Spirit so strongly. Pastor immediately saw me coming down the aisle and when the congregation finished the song he said something to me about walking in during that exact moment and how it couldn't have been by accident then had the congregation sing just that line over again. It was such a special moment. It was so encouraging to be reminded of the Lord's healing and cleansing power. I may have lost my leg and be facing a huge battle, but I also serve a very big God that can do anything He wants. He can, and I choose to believe that He will cure me of this disease. Needless to say before the preaching even got started, at the beginning of the service I was beyond moved and in tears. I was overwhelmed with the Spirit and the Lord's presence.

Our junior kids just went to church camp this past week where they sang a song called I Have Been Blessed. After we sang hymns in church Pastor wanted the kids to come up and sing that song. Jarred was happy and chipper and jumped out of his seat to join the rest of the kids and sing right along with them. About the second verse I noticed that He was crying (which if you know Jarred is very unlike him. He's Mr. Don't show emotions or cry in front of people). He was practically bawling through the whole song and kept wiping his eyes and face and was staring at me to regain strength and reassurance. Carrie's kids Brayden and Lexi were in tears by that time too. I didn't know what set them off. All the kids came back to their seats and Jarred just sat on my lap and held onto me for dear life and sobbed. His little heart was so tender and just wide open. Later he told me that what made him sad and start crying was a line in the song that said "Arms that can will raise, a voice that can talk, hands that can touch, and legs that can walk." He said that when he sang the part about legs that can walk he just thought of me and I think it finally hit him and his emotions just boiled over. It was one of the sweetest most tenderest moments we have ever had as mother and son. Since then our time together during this trip has been so sweet. We have really bonded and spent good quality time together. After the song Lexi, Carrie's daughter, came to her and told her that she needed to be saved, so Carrie told her she needed to go to the alter and got someone with her to lead her to the Lord. This all happened BEFORE the preaching even started. The Holy Spirit was just so alive and present during the service that it was overwhelming. We came away feeling renewed, refreshed, thankful, and humble. What a morning it was. After church Carrie headed to Pensacola to spend the day with her family and Jarred and I stayed at home. I think it was the first time in a long time that it was just the two of us and we just got to hang out for a long time. It was almost like old times. He said several times how nice it was. That meant a lot to me and reminded me how much I have been blessed.

Carrie's husband and two older boys should be on a flight (hop) right now from Spain to the states. They haven't seen the rest of the family since March, so it will be a happy reunion. They will spend most of their time in Alabama and be here for three weeks. They will be leaving to go back to Spain towards the end of July. Please keep her husband and boys in your prayers as they travel here and the whole family in your prayers as they are on vacation and prepare to go back to Spain and be separated from their family and friends again. Carrie has been such a blessing to me while she has been here to help care for me during some of the hardest parts of my treatment. I would have never thought that God would move her all the way from Spain to come be with me. That just testifies to what an amazing God that we have. Now with all these changes I have of course been a little nervous and wondering who He will provide to help me and care for me when I need it now. I'm still not at the point where I can be completely alone and still need a lot of help while I adjust to this new life. I'm still going through chemo that will make me useless and very sick some days. Please be in prayer with me that God will provide in the area of caregivers for me.

I head back to Gainsville tomorrow. I have an appointment with the orthopedic Dr. on Wednesday at 10:15 to get my stitches out (which by the way there are 50 on top and three more internal layers of stitches which means I have a total of about 200 stitches!) As long as I am healing well and he gives me the go ahead for chemo I will be admitted to the hospital the same day around noon for the next round. This will be a different chemo than I've had before. It also requires a seven day stay in the hospital. I don't really know what to expect in the way of side effects or if it will make me really sick. Of course I hope not. After I get out of the hospital I will be going to Panama City to stay with my grandparents for a little while. I'm not really sure how long. They will also arrange for Jarred to be brought over there. I don't have a schedule for chemo in July yet, but I am sure I will get one while I am there. My sister Rachel is coming down to go to music camp at PCC in about a week and is staying an extra week after to spend with me. I'm planning on telling the Dr's that I absolutely have to be home for that week. Please pray that it works out that way and that I'm not so sick from chemo that I can't enjoy her visit. She hasn't been down for the summer in a couple of years and I would really like to make it a special time.

That's about all the news and updates from here for now. I will keep you updated as I can in the hospital and once I get to Panama City.