If You Want Me To - Ginny Owens | With Lyrics

Celebration Cookies

Celebration Cookie Mix

Ingredients:

1/2	cup granulated sugar
3/4	cup sweetened dried cranberries
1/2	cup white or semi-sweet chocolate morsels
3/4	cup packed brown sugar
1 1/2	cups all-purpose flour
1/2	teaspoon baking powder
1/2	teaspoon baking soda
1/4	teaspoon salt
1	cup quick or old-fashioned oats
1/2	cup pecan or walnut halves, coarsely chopped

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Directions:

1. In Small Batter Bowl, layer ingredients as follows, gently patting each layer before adding the next ingredient: granulated sugar, cranberries, chocolate morsels, brown sugar, flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, oats and pecans. Cover with lid. Attach the preparation directions below and give it as a gift.

Yield: 3 dozen cookies
Nutrients per serving: (1 cookie): Calories 120, Total Fat 6 g, Saturated Fat 3 g, Cholesterol 25 mg, Carbohydrate 16 g, Protein 2 g, Sodium 85 mg, Fiber less than 1 g
Cook's Tips: Give this recipe to the gift recipient:

Celebration Cookies

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 recipe Celebration Cookie Mix

Preheat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, combine butter, eggs and vanilla; mix until well blended. Add cookie mix to butter mixture; mix until well blended. Using Medium Scoop, drop 12 level scoops of dough, 2 inches apart, onto Rectangle Stone. Flatten dough slightly using back of scoop. Bake 13-15 minutes or until edges are golden brown. Cool 5 minutes; remove to cooling rack.

Beginning to Get Excited

Jarred woke up feeling terrible this morning. He has been battling a stuffy nose, sore throat and sneezing for days. I had hoped it was just allergies. I guess it bested him today. So we stayed home and I made him rest which in turn gave me a chance to rest. That was much needed! I made him beans and eggs for breakfast. Then I started some homemade chicken soup. I cooked a chicken in the slow-cooker last week and put up all the meat and also made about a gallon of chicken stock! I couldn't wait to make soup and today was the perfect day for that. My boy sure needed some good hearty food! So, I got that started after breakfast and let it simmer for about four hours. It was really good!

We spent the day watching Alias. I finally finished the series and I'm sad it's over, but I sure loved it! Best. Show. Ever. Seriously! I already bought season 1 and am planning on buying 2-5 eventually so I can watch it again and again. Every time I watch an episode I notice something I missed.

Y'all know I love Fall. Well, my Fall decorations are still up! Crazy, right! I'm so sick of looking at them and ready to look at Christmas decor! I've been crazy busy with my Pampered Chef business, which by the way is going amazingly! So, I haven't had the time to decorate. I think we will put up the Fall decor tonight and then I will do some Winter cleaning tomorrow so that we can decorate for Christmas this week. We won't get to enjoy it for long seeing as how we are leaving for Disney,for the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER, on the 20th :) We will be there the 20-26. It will be magical. I always have the BEST TIME taking vacations with just Jarred. I love it :) On the 26th we are heading to Tampa for a few days to visit my friend, Hattie and her clan. We are so looking forward to that as well :) I purposefully didn't schedule any more Pampered Chef parties this month so that I can enjoy the season and do all those Christmasy things that I haven't gotten to do for the last two years. I didn't even put up my tree or decorate the past two years. It went up with the help of my sisters and Amanda and Jarred, I just wasn't able to do much. So, I am really looking forward to getting into the Christmas spirit. I can't wait to decorate and listen to Christmas music and drink some Wassail and smell yummy Christmas candles/melts in the house. I can't wait to put up all my pretty Partylite Christmas stuff that Dani hooked me up with and go see Christmas lights and finish up my little bit of shopping. Oh, I'm so excited! I have dubbed this "Crafty Christmas," so I plan on making Christmas presents for all my family! Pinterest has given me some great ideas!! I would love to post them as I make them, but then it would spoil the surprise for my family. Maybe I can do that in January. OH! I'm making my Christmas cards too. My friend Angel and I have been working on that. I need to finish them up and get them in the mail. Hopefully I will have that accomplished by next week :)

OK.... So, I think I'll make a Christmas 2011 Bucket List... Here Goes!!!

-Decorate like mad this week!
-Drink lots of Peppermint Mochas & Caramel Bruelee Lattes
-Bake lots of cookies for people and try to give away more than I eat ;)
-Try, try, try to not skip on the gym
-Finish Making my Christmas Cards... Then actually mail them. (This will be hard. They are so pretty. I want to decorate the house with them.)
-Make some Wassil
-Make presents for the whole fam by hand. This will be a joint effort between me and J :)
-Take a drive to see pretty lights while drinking said beverages :)
-Listen to Christmas music EVERY DAY!
-Make J some Christmas pajamas
-Wrap every present beautifully. Theme for wrapping is: black, white, red and brown paper packages tied up with string
-Watch all our favorite Christmas movies before I leave
-Go to three Christmas parties
-Do a {RACK} for someone everyday
-Make that cool Christmas card holder that I saw on Pinterest!!
-Go see the lights at the Niceville library-J's request
-Make that awesome Christmas tree skirt I saw on Pinterest
-Make gingerbread men-J's request

Ok... Today we rest, but tomorrow we start at it!! That's a lot to do in 15 days!!

TPC Tiramisu Brownie Triffle

This is a favorite recipe of mine. It is absolutely delicious! To die for, actually! I'm a tiramisu connoisseur, so I love trying any tiramisu recipe. I eat it for dessert any time I'm at a restaurant that offers it. So yeah, needless to say I love it, ok! Try this out and I hope that you'll enjoy it as much as I do. Let me know what you think! Bon Appetit!

**Oh, and a few tips.... Go for the Ghiradelle brownie mix. It's the best box mix. Also, don't skimp on your chocolate. Get the good stuff! The coffee liquor substitute is super easy and fast to make. Cafe Bustelo makes an instant coffee. I highly recommend that brand. My friend Lori turned me onto Cafe Bustelo and I'm hooked. 

***PSS, I'm now a Pampered Chef consultant :) So, if you need to order any of this cookware or anything else, let me know:)

Tiramisu Brownie Trifle

Ingredients:
1   pkg (18-21 oz) fudge brownie mix (plus ingredients to make brownies) 1   container (16 oz) frozen whipped topping, thawed, divided 2   bars (1.45 oz each) dark chocolate candy, divided 1/2-1   cup coffee liqueur (see Cook's Tip), divided		1/2   cup water 3   tbsp instant coffee granules 2   pkg (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened 1   pkg (3.3 oz) vanilla instant pudding and pie filling

Directions:
1.	Preheat oven to 375°F. Line Large Sheet Pan with a 20-in. piece of Parchment Paper; set aside. Prepare brownie mix according to package directions. Pour batter into pan; bake 20-22 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove brownie from pan to Stackable Cooling Rack.
2.	Meanwhile, attach open star tip to Easy Accent® Decorator. Fill with about 3/4 cup of the whipped topping; set aside. Chop 1 1/2 of the chocolate bars using Food Chopper; set aside. For filling, combine 1/2 cup coffee liqueur, water and instant coffee in Small Batter Bowl; stir until dissolved using Stainless Whisk. In Stainless (4-qt.) Mixing Bowl, whisk cream cheese until smooth. Gradually add coffee mixture to cream cheese; whisk until smooth. Add pudding mix to cream cheese mixture; whisk until mixture begins to thicken. Fold in remaining whipped topping and chopped chocolate using Master Scraper; set aside.
3.	Cut brownie into 1-in. cubes using Pizza Cutter. If desired, using Chef's Silicone Basting Brush, brush brownie cubes with additional 1/2 cup coffee liqueur.
4.	To assemble trifle, place one-third of the brownie cubes into Trifle Bowl. Layer one-third of the filling evenly over brownies. Repeat layers two more times. Pipe whipped topping in rows 1/2 in. apart over filling. Grate remaining chocolate bar over whipped topping using Rotary Grater.
Yield: 20 servings Nutrients per serving: (about 1/2 cup): Calories 390, Total Fat 25 g, Saturated Fat 11 g, Cholesterol 45 mg, Carbohydrate 36 g, Protein 4 g, Sodium 190 mg, Fiber 1 g Cook’s Tips: To make a substitution for coffee liqueur, combine 3/4 cup water, 3/4 cup sugar, 2 tbsp instant coffee granules and 1 tsp rum extract in Large Micro-Cooker®. Microwave on HIGH 2-3 minutes or until sugar is dissolved. Chill before using.

Jillian's Lentil Soup & Focaccia

This is a fast, easy and delicious soup. It's great anytime of the year, but especially in the cooler seasons or when you are sick and need something hearty.

1 Onion, chopped
1/4 cup Olive Oil
2 Carrots, diced
2 stalks Celery, chopped
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1 tsp. dried Oregano
1 Bay Leaf
1 tsp. dried Basil
1 tsp. Herbs De Provence (optional)
1 (14.5 ounce) can crushed or diced tomatoes
2 Cups Red Lentils
8 cups water (I add chicken bouillon to make broth)
1/2 cup Spinach, rinsed and thinly sliced
2 Tbsp, Vinegar (white or balsamic)
Salt & Pepper to taste

In a large soup pot, heat oil over medium heat. I use my Pampered Chef food chopper to make quick work of all the chopping. Add onions, carrots, and celery; cook and stir until onion is tender. Stir in garlic, bay leaf, oregano, and basil; cook for 2 minutes. Stir in lentils and add water and tomatoes. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for at least 1 hour (the longer the better!). When ready to serve, stir in spinach and cook until it wilts. Stir in vinegar and season to taste with salt and pepper and more vinegar if desired. Sometimes I also top it with grated parmigiano romano cheese & freshly cracked black pepper. Serves six (at least!)


Focaccia

This is by far the best and easiest bread recipe I've ever gotten ahold of. We absolutely love it and I love that I can have a freshly baked focaccia in less than an hour from start to finish. I know that the instructions may look long and overwhelming, but they are just really detailed. This really is a simple recipe and you will be very pleased with it. There are also so many ways you can change it up. Stick with the basic recipe, but you can add whatever seasonings you like to it. When I made it this afternoon I added a tsp of garlic powder and a tsp of rosemary powder to the dough at the same time I added the flour and salt. Once it was shaped and ready to bake I sprinkled it with coarse sea salt & a sundried tomato seasoning as well as parmigiano romano cheese. You can also top it with sliced tomato, onion, etc.

Preheat oven to 500F

2 cups lukewarm water (85 to 95 F)
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
4 cups unbleached bread flour (like I said you can do half and half too)
2-3 teaspoons salt
2-3 teaspoons olive oil
Kosher or Sea Salt

Measure the water into a large bowl, Sprinkle the yeast over the water and stir until dissolved. Stir in 2 cups of the flour and the salt and stir briskly until smooth, about 2 minutes. With a strong wooden spoon or one of those rare mixing spoons with a big hole in the middle, stir in the remaining 2 cups of flour for about 2 minutes longer, just until the dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl and the flour is incorporated. The dough will be fairly wet and tacky (sticky), but when it pulls away from the sides of the bowl and forms a loose ball, you'll know the dough has been stirred sufficiently. If it seems too sticky, stir in an additional 1/4 to 1/2 cup of flour. *I've found that I always have to add in the extra flour, but test it first*

Same day method: Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let the dough rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, 30-40 minutes. Proceed with the shaping.

Overnight method: Cover the bowl and refrigerate overnight. The dough will rise in the frig and acquire flavor from the slower yeast action. Remove the dough 2 hours before shaping and let stand , covered, in a warm place. The dough will rise for the second time. Proceed with shaping.

To shape into focaccia: Preheat the oven to 500F. Oil one or two nonstick baking sheets (Side note: you can just dump it onto a pizza stone if you have one. That is what I always do. I have also split the dough in half and cooked it in 2 8-inch cake pans and that works nicely as well) Pour the dough onto your baking vehicle of choice, carefully scraping it from the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Brush the dough with 2 tsp of olive oil. To make the traditional focaccia with indentations, dip your fingers into cold water or olive oil and insert them straight down into the dough. Make holes in the dough by pulling it to the sides about 1 inch at a time. Pull the holes at random to form little craters all over with the pan showing through where you have put your fingers. As you work, stretch the dough into a 1-inch-thick oval. Brush the loaf with another tsp of olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt and whatever else. Then add any other desired toppings.

Focaccia does not need to rise, but if you forget it for a few minutes, don't worry. It will bake beautifully despite a little neglect.

To bake:
Place the pan(s) in the oven and reduce the temperature to 450F. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until the focaccia has a nice, golden-brown color mixed with a little darker brown around the indented area. Cool on a wire rack. Cut focaccia into wedges or rectangles and serve warm!!

I know this is a lot of instructions, but I PROMISE you, this is SO easy to make and absolutely delish!! Enjoy!!

Taken from the book Daily Breads, No Need To Kneed

Please enjoy and let me know what you think :)

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

This is our ALL time favorite pumpkin cookie recipe. We make it several times every Fall. One batch makes about 5 dozen cookies. It's also extremely quick and easy to make. Thanks for sharing this one with me many years ago, Christa!!

1 1/2 cups pumpkin
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar or sweetener of your choice
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 cup chocolate chips

Cream together pumpkin, butter, sugar and vanilla.

In separate bowl combine all dry ingredients: flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice and nutmeg.

Add dry ingredients to other mixture. Add chocolate chips.

Drop in teaspoonfulls (I use my small Pampered Chef cookie scoop) onto greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 until brown (approx 12 minutes, but check at 10) you can tell by lightly tapping top of cookie.

Cook on baking racks. Store in air tight containers or plastic bags.

I don't have a good picture right now, but this is what they looked like while cooling :)

BTW, since we have been trying to incorporate more whole foods and make healthier choices regarding what we put in our bodies I haven't had time to tweak most of our tried and true recipes. Next time I make this I will try adding whole wheat flour and using a healthier natural sweetener. I'll let you know how that turns out :)

Pumpkin Pancakes

The Best Ever Pumpkin Pancakes
Adapted from The Pancake Handbook

1 1/4 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
3/4 cup canned pumpkin
1 cup milk
2 eggs, separated
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons butter, melted + butter to spread on pancakes if desired
1/4 teaspoon salt

In a large bowl, mix flour, baking powder, cinnamon, allspice and ginger. In a separate bowl, combine the pumpkin, milk, egg yolks, brown sugar, butter and salt. Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients all at once, stirring just to blend. Do not over-mix or you'll over-develop the gluten in the flour, which makes pancakes tough and rubbery. It's okay to have some lumps in the batter at this point.

Here comes the good part! Place the egg whites in a separate bowl and beat with a whisk or electric mixer until whites are stiff but not dry. Then, gently fold them into the batter until just combined.

Lightly oil your griddle or skillet. Pour pancake batter onto griddle or skillet. Cook until bubbles cover the surface of pancake (about 2 to 3 minutes). The underside should be lightly browned. Then flip, and cook for about 2 minutes more.

Serve with maple syrup. Try cranberry sauce or lingonberry sauce if you want to add a tart twist. This makes about 6-8 pancakes. We love to eat it with blueberry maple breakfast chicken sausage!

It's Fall, Ya'll

I love Fall. It is by far my favorite season. I think because there is no pressure to "do" anything. It's all about pumpkin, decorating and focusing on my many blessings for me. Our tradition is to get up early on the first day of Fall to make pumpkin pancakes. We usually make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies as well. Then later in the day we decorate the house for Fall. We haven't had the time to decorate yet because we were gone all day Friday and Saturday. We've had a great weekend so far. We've spent time with good friends and family.

We also do a special craft every year to focus our minds and hearts on all of our blessings. In the past we did something called the "Thanks Jar." It was basically a large mason jar that we decorated -- with Fall decor of course -- and filled with slips of paper listing things that we are thankful for. We try to add a new slip every day. Then on Thanksgiving we read them. This year I thought up a new idea. I'm going to call it the "Garland of Gratitude!" I can't wait to make it. I'll post pics and instructions later. Basically, we are going to take a leaf template and trace leaves onto pretty fall papers and cut them out. Then Jarred and I will write down the things we are thankful for on the leaves. I think to save room, there will be 60+ leaves if we do it every day, we will each use one leaf per day and write on both sides. Him on the front, me on the back. Then we will punch a hole in the stem and string it onto some pretty orange ribbon and hang it in the living room. Come Thanksgiving I will be taking it with me to Panama City and we will read them with our family there. It is always such a blessing to read through the slips of paper at the end. Even more so to read them years later, as we keep them all. 

In addition to focusing on our many blessings this season, I also want to focus on giving. So every day we will try to do something for others. Find ways to bless others in some small way. It doesn't have to be something of material value either. There are so many ways that you can bless people. I've found in my life that some of the biggest blessings are just offering up your time. Time is such a valuable commodity.

Lastly, our Fall will be all about PUMPKIN!!! If you know me, you know my complete obsession with pumpkin this time of year. I don't indulge in pumpkin any other time of the year. In fact, by the time Thanksgiving comes around I'm usually pretty sick of it, lol. I just love to eat any thing with pumpkin in it. I love pumpkin decorations and I love things that smell pumpkiny :) I'll keep you posted on my pumpkin obsession as the season progresses :)

Today we went to PCC to pick up my sister, Rachel, and spend the day with her. After we picked her up we went to a small park by the Bay and had a picnic. Then we shopped all day long. It was SO much fun. I just love spending time with my sisters. We went to one of my favorite stores, World Market, and I picked up a bunch of pumpkin stuff to cook with. I'll share more on that another day :) We had a fantastic day and such a great time hanging out. 

Here's an angelic picture of us!

I'll be posting two pumpkin recipes for you tomorrow, so stay tuned :)

New Blog is Now Live!!

I unveiled my new blog "Yea, Though I walk THROUGH The Valley" today!! Please check it out!!

I will be maintaining this blog as well. Although all my health related posts will be on the new blog. I will be writing articles bi-weekly as well on that one. This blogs new focus will be about my random thoughts, fun things we're doing/making around the house, you know, just day-to-day life stuff. Whatever I feel like writing about basically! I'll be using the other one as an out-reach/ministry. If you would like to share a blog address, please share the other one, as this one has personal information regarding my family and such and I would feel more comfortable protecting that information and only allowing family and friends access to it.

This blog will be receiving a "facelift" soon too! I plan on gearing it towards the gift of life that I have been given and how I am celebrating that gift daily!!

I'm really looking forward to what the Lord has in store for me and the things that He is doing in my life right now! Thank you all for following me THROUGH my journey!

<3 Jill

Menu Plan Monday August 29-September 4

I have company this week, my sister, Rachel & good friend Amanda! We are having a blast!! Rachel is off to college so I'm trying to fill her up with yummy meals while she's here :) I'm participating in Menu Plan Monday again with Organizing Junkie.

Breakfasts:
Breakfast Burritos
Eggs, toast & ham
Muffins
Blueberry Cake

Lunch:
Jarred gets bagged lunches for school.
Jambalaya
Leftovers

Monday - Cuban Pork Tenderloin (didn't get to this last week) with saffron rice, Cuban green beans & plantains.
Tuesday - Everyone's Favorite Lasagna, green beans (obviously a fav at our house!), spinach salad & homemade focaccia bread.Tirimisu cheesecake for dessert :)
Wednesday - Chicken Curry with Jasmin Rice.
Thursday - Chicken Wings, sweet potato french fries & melon.
Friday - Eating out at Carrabbas for my birthday party :)
Saturday -  Leftovers
Sunday - Dinner on the grounds at church!

Menu Plan Monday (My First!!)

One of the many things that I have been excited about lately is getting back to cooking. I love to cook. It's one of the many things that I am passionate about. In an effort to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle, I have decided to incorporate more whole foods into our diet. I'm trying my best to stay away from processed foods, sugar etc. In addition, I am hoping to cut down on our meat consumption to three days a week. So, I've decided to participate in Menu Plan Monday from now on hosted by I'm An Organizing Junkie. Being that we are a family of two I try to cook smaller portions. Jarred is great when it comes to eating whatever I put in front of him. I find it very rewarding (and sometimes challenging) to prepare meals that he loves and wants again and again. I do try to incorporate as many vegetables and whole grains as possible. There are very few types of foods that I dislike, so our menu has a great deal of variety in it. I love experimenting with new recipes!! My main focus when it comes to cooking? Frugal, cooking for two, low-fat, healthy and gourmet (occasionally). So, here's our menu for this week..... I'm trying to stay away from the grocery store and come up with meals that we have all the ingredients for on hand. This is what I've come up with :)

Breakfasts (This is Jarred's favorite meal of the day & can vary greatly depending on what I feel like making in the mornings, but it is generally one of these things):
Eggs, Bacon & Toast
Pancakes & Eggs
Breakfast Burritos (a fav in our household)
Muffins (I have a fabulous blueberry recipe I'll share another time)

Lunches:
Jarred gets a packed lunch for school that includes a juice, wrap (I get creative with this one. I'll share my Favorite Turkey, Spinach wrap recipe soon!) carrots/ranch and pretzels.
I usually eat leftovers or a salad

Dinners for the week of August 22-August 28:
Monday: Scallop & Vegetable Stir-fry with Basmati Brown Rice (Making extra rice for Wed's meal)
Tuesday: We're having dinner with friends
Wednesday: Vegetable/Egg Fried Rice
Thursday: Black Bean Burritos with Saffron Rice
Friday: Homemade Pizza
Saturday: Cuban Pork Tenderloin with Saffron Rice, Haricots Verts and Plantains
Sunday: Leftovers or Eat out

I'll post those recipes late this week!

God Bless!!

I Have Never Been More Thankful, Grateful & Happy Than Now.....

There are single moments in life that change you. They make an everlasting impression on your heart and soul. Some for the better, some for the worse. Right now I have a few extremely significant moments on my heart and mind. The first, August 28, 2005. The day that I knew I was nothing without Jesus and I needed Him more than the air I breathe. The years that followed were full of hope, renewal, redemption. Beautiful years filled with love. Like a babe I learned to crawl and walk by my Father's side. Still far from the woman I desired to be - and I still am so far from who I want to be - my Heavenly Father held my hand and taught me about faith, hope and godly love.

Fast forward five years...... March 11, 2010. I awaken in a recovery room in Gainesville, Fl after having surgery to repair my hip that has broken a second time. Dr. Gibbs informs me gently that I have osteosarcoma. My first thoughts? Life is too short, I need to witness more and be about the Lord's business. Over the next year and a half I held tight to my faith and was hoping against hope. I trusted the Lord. Believed in His perfect will for my life, never truly knowing though whether or not His will for me would be life or death. My amputation was June 17, 2010. The valley just got wider and deeper. Would I be able to overcome this? Would I live? Would anything ever be normal again? The answer? With God ALL things are possible. There would just have to be a new type of normal. I wish that I would have allowed the Lord to use me more during this time of my life. Looking back, I wish I had done more. Most days though, my life was about survival. Just trying to make it through the day. There was one word that I held onto though.... THROUGH. My Pastor preached a message on December 6, 2009 titled "Yea, though I walk THROUGH the valley" taken from

Psalm 23:1-6

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."

You can listen to that message here. I would strongly recommend doing so. If you don't need it now, you will.

God will never leave you nor forsake you. He always makes good on His promises too. Which brings me to July 27, 2011. My first three month check up. Everything was clean and clear. No cancer, ANYWHERE. Next to salvation I think this day has made the most profound impact on my life. My Jesus brought me so far. Through so much. I don't deserve it. Honestly I don't. But on this day I resolved to live, truly live every day of my life. To wake up and praise Him no matter what comes my way. To never complain again. Above all else, to thank Him everyday for this valley He allowed me to go through. My heart has never been more full. It is overflowing with gratitude and awe of His awesome power and love. I don't know how much longer I have here in this mortal body. Everyday is a gift though and I desire to treat it as such. These days the thing that fills my heart and mind the most is living for the Lord. I put my life, my heart, my hopes, my desires, wishes and dreams on the alter. I want to sacrifice everything for Him. There is no sacrifice to great. Anything that I could give is minor in comparison to the things He has done for me. I'm praying for guidance everyday and asking the Lord to show me how I can be used for His purposes. I hope that the rest of my life can be about serving and glorifying God. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm so excited.

Tonight I watched Soul Surfer and it has inspired me so deeply. Bethany Hamilton is an amazing woman and I thank God for her testimony and sweet spirit. There was one thing in the book and on the movie that her Dr. said to her and I want to share it with you..... "The things that you're going to have to learn to do differently is extensive. But the good news. Those things that you're not going to be able to do is small." Again, there is nothing impossible with God. I can do all things through Christ.

These days my day to day life is about God, being a mom, desiring to share my testimony and hoping to be a blessing to others. I go to the gym everyday. I'm trying to get in really good shape to gear up for getting my prosthetic leg. I'm out in the public a lot needless to say. A lot of people are curious and ask questions and stare. Sometimes it's really awkward and I'll be honest with you that sometimes I get a poor attitude about it. I quickly realized what an awful, sinful way that is to think and that by having a poor attitude I am missing out on a HUGE opportunity to share my testimony and glorify the Lord. I'm praying that the Lord will give me a sweet spirit and help me to use these opportunities for Him. A good friend of mine had this great idea that I should make up little cards/tracts that tell basic information about why I only have one leg and share the gospel as well. I think this is such a wonderful idea and she's going to help me put something together. I'd like to include a link to my blog, but I am also concerned that since I'll be passing these out to strangers I don't want to share personal things about Jarred, my family and other intimate details. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to either re-work my blog or start a second blog that I can share with strangers. I'm not really sure how to work this out because I don't exactly want to keep up with two blogs. I really do enjoy blogging (although lately I haven't been able to do it as often as I would like!) and I do it for myself more than anybody else. At the same time though I feel like it might be a good ministry to keep up for the soul purpose of telling my story and how God brought me THROUGH! So I'm just not sure how to mesh my desire to blog about my life and the desire to share it with strangers.

Taking all this into consideration I have some prayer requests:

1) Please pray for the Lord's will & leading in my future/life. Specifically that He will show me in what capacities I can best serve and open doors for opportunities to do so.

2) Please pray for me to have a sweet spirit and to always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks in a way that will glorify the Lord not myself.

3) Please pray for us to be able to work up a great card/tract

4) Please pray that the Lord will show me what to do about my blog

I thank God for those of you that read this. For your prayers, love and concern over these past years. I pray that everyone that reads this will be blessed and that the Lord will touch you right this very minute. Most importantly, I pray that if you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus that you will come to know Him. If you would like to know more about Jesus and how you can have that relationship with Him, I'd love to tell you!

God bless!

It's Been a Year.....

It's so hard to believe that a year ago today I was laying in an ICU recovering from a hemi-pelvectomy (left leg amputation). What a difficult, scary and unsure time in my life that was. It was my decision to make and I know that I made the right decision. My leg or my life. Every day that I have been blessed with I am thankful that I made the decision I did. Especially lately when I've felt so great and truly been able to enjoy this life that the Lord has blessed me with. Cancer is truly a horrible disease. Last year was unimaginable for me. Everyday was filled with questions such as: Will I make it through this? Will I live to see another birthday? To see my son grow up? Will I EVER finish with chemo? Now on the other side of the storm I don't exactly have the answers to all of these questions but I do have something better. I have a complete trust in the Lord and how He is working in my life. I know that what He brings my way may not be ideal, but He has a purpose in growing me and drawing me closer to Him.

When my leg was amputated I was unsure of whether I would be able to thrive once I was well. I didn't know if I would be one of those people that are able to still live a full life. I was really worried about that, you know? I didn't want to be bitter and useless. I'm so very thankful to God that He has given me a tender heart and joy in spite of my circumstances. I may be missing a leg, but I still have SO MUCH! I have eyes that can see, ears that can hear, arms and hands that can touch and wrap themselves around my baby boy and loved ones. I have hair that's growing back! And even eyebrows now, lol! Most importantly, I have a Heavenly Father that loves me. I have been blessed with this amazing family that encourages me and challenges me. I have this amazing church family that has enriched my life beyond anything that I could ask for. And I have friends. Friends that are so close and dear to my heart. Friends that I wouldn't have made it through my illness without.

So, a year later what am I up to? Well after I finished chemo in March and had that last surgery to remove the nodule in my lung at the end of April I was then declared cancer free! After recovering for three weeks from that surgery Jarred and I took a trip up to Wisconsin. We got here on May 27th and will be here till July 7th. My little sister graduated from high school and we came to surprise her. Which went splendidly! This is my first trip to Wisconsin during the summer and everyday has been filled with fun, adventure and learning. I feel like my old self again. I've been very active running around with the family and back to cooking everyday. I love cooking and didn't do a whole lot of it since I had been sick. It's been so wonderful and enjoyable to cook nearly everyday and also experiment with new recipes while here. I've been spending tons of quality time with my sisters and parents as well. I've gotten to do things that I didn't imagine and quite honestly didn't think I'd be able to do such as riding a horse! Who would of thought that I'd be riding a horse with one leg. So yeah, my future is pretty bright and I'm looking forward to each day that the Lord brings my way.

I would have to say that the most valuable lesson that I've learned is not to take this life for granted. Every day is truly a blessing and I want to not only be thankful to the Lord for giving me each and every day, but I want to truly live it to the fullest. I don't want to ever limit myself or allow myself to slip into the mindset that I can't do something just because I only have one leg. Yes, things are a little more difficult for me. It takes me longer to do stuff, but it is so rewarding to actually accomplish what I set out to do.

What do I have to look forward to in the near future? Getting my prosthetic leg! I'm so excited about it. It's going to take a lot of hard work to learn how to use it, but I can't wait to walk around on my own. I can't wait to put this walker away and just walk. It looks like it will be late July or August when I get it. In the meantime though I am really enjoying my summer vacation. I have almost three more weeks here in Wisconsin with my family and I plan to savor every single day. Tomorrow is Father's Day and it will be the first Father's Day I have spent with my Dad in well over 15 years. I've planned a big Cuban feast for the day and we are going to spoil my Dad. The girls are also marching in a parade for Lake Martha Days.

I'm off to enjoy this beautiful Saturday! Here's a picture of me riding the horse last weekend :)

Update :)

I am home and happy. I am so excited about the future and seeing what God has in store for me!! I had my lung surgery on April 22nd and it went really well. They got out the last nodule that was on my lungs and I am healing well from that surgery. During my time in Gainesville I found out that there is no cancer in my body!! YAY!!! So that means I am cancer free and no more chemo! It feels so good to be able to say that. I have to give God every bit of glory for healing me. I know that the prayers of many of my friends, family and even those that I do not know have been answered. I never would have made it through this battle for my life if it hadn't been for my faith in the Lord and the prayers of his saints. :) I still have to go in for scans/check-ups every three months. I've been told that if the cancer were to come back it is most likely to come back in the first two years, so the doctors will be keeping a close watch on me for the next two years, but I have faith that this cancer is NOT going to come back and I have beaten it once and for all.

I had an appointment with the prosthetics Dr. here in Ft. Walton on Tuesday. His name is Dr. Jack and he came highly recommended. There is a lot more that goes into getting a prosthetic than I ever would have thought! It is quite a long process. The first thing they will do is measure my body/weight for several weeks in a row to make sure that my weight/size are not fluctuating. The Dr. stressed to me how important it is for my body to be stable (meaning my weight and size) because they will make the prosthetic to fit my body and if I gain weight or loose it after it is made then it will result in me not being able to walk well and they would just have to make another one. So the first thing that I need to do before I get started is try to loose some weight. I had hoped that once I got the prosthetic that I would loose weight, but I didn't even think of the fact that it would effect the fit of the prosthetic its self. So for the next two months I am going to try to loose 10-15 pounds. That is going to be quite challenging considering there's not a whole lot of exercise I can do. My plan is to really watch what I eat and only put healthy things in my mouth and to also try drinking this stuff called Skinny Water that my friend Lori has been telling me about and also do exercises to strengthen my core muscles (which Dr. Jack recommended I do because that will help me walk better once I get the prosthetic). I will update you more on my weight loss and the Skinny Water later. So once I loose some weight and am at a stable weight/size I will go back to the prosthetic Dr. and he will measure me several weeks in a row. Then once we have determined that I am stable he will cast my entire pelvis. The part of the prosthetic that fits to my body is known as the "socket." Because I don't have any of my left leg due to how high the amputation is my socket will look kind of like a pair of plastic underwear and the leg will attach to it. Once they cast my pelvis they will begin building the socket and leg and that will only take them about a week! I was really surprised to hear that because I thought it would take a lot longer to build a prosthetic leg. They do it right there at the Dr's office in FWB. When they finish building my leg and it is ready I'll go back in and Dr. Jack will of course show my how to put it on. Then begins the hard work! He said that he will show me various techniques that I will need to master and when combined those techniques will result my being able to walk. Of course it is going to take a lot of hard work, dedication, and consistency on my part to be able to walk again and even more so to walk normally. I am prepared though. I want so badly to just be able to walk again!! He said that the people that are the most successful with prosthetics are those that put it on every morning when they wake up - whether they think they will use it or not- and wear it throughout the day. So the biggest thing is using it and not falling back on using my walker. I'm so excited to get started and can't wait to be able to walk again. Walking means I will be completely independent once again and will open up many doors for me. So, the biggest hurdles I have to face now are loosing the weight and keeping it off and praying that my insurance will cover the prosthetic. Now the other thing that I have to keep in mind is that even if I do loose the weight and keep it off I am likely to loose more once I start being active and my body will change a lot just from using the prosthetic and being more active. With that in mind the Dr. said that it is not uncommon to have to have another prosthetic made after the first six months because of all the changes your body goes through. Again, I don't know if or how my insurance will pay for all of this, so I am just trusting the Lord and hoping that it works out. I have to share a funny thing with you though...... When we were at the Dr. he showed me a prosthetic foot that was made so that flip flops can be worn with it!! LOL, isn't that crazy, lol. He said that some people have told him that it was important to them that they be able to wear flip flops so they made a foot that could accommodate that. I just has a space between the toes. I thought that was so funny. I would have never even though that possible. I told him I could care less about wearing flip flops, I just want to walk again! It's nice to know I have that option though.

In a nutshell that is what is going on with me. Jarred is nearing the end of fifth grade and I am praying hard that he finished out this year with good grades. He will be so happy when he is out of school and for the record, I will too! I can't wait till this school year is over, it's been a rough one! We are looking forward to this summer. We plan on making a trip to Wisconsin at some point during the summer and I'm SO looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to lots of beach days! I'll keep you posted on my weight loss journey and what's going on with us. Thank you again for your prayers!

<3 Jillian

Overwhelmed

Well, I finished my last round of chemo and have been back home for a while now. Although I have also been in and out of the hospital several times since then for one reason or another. Currently I am in for a colon infection called C. Diff (I think).

It's so hard to believe that it's been a year since my diagnosis and I am moving onto the next stage. I look back and am overwhelmed with what God has done in my life and how He has carried me through the last year. I know that if I were to look in the sand I would certainly see one set of footprints, His. I look forward and am overwhelmed as well with what lies ahead and moving on to the next stages of life. Don't get me wrong, right now I am a happy overwhelmed. But overwhelmed nonetheless. The fact that this is moving onto the next stage is still quite surreal for me. It's still slowly sinking in. I think that I will be more excited and happy once I get a clean bill of health from Shands. I am set to go there for testing on April 20th & 21st and to have surgery to remove the nodule on my left lung on the 22nd. I am a bit anxious about all of this, especially the surgery and will be much more at ease once it is over with and I can begin recovering.

I am also hoping to be back home in time to make it to Relay for Life. I missed it last year because I was in the hospital and I will still be hurting this year from the surgery, but I figure if I can take some pain meds and sit in my wheelchair and get pushed around for at least a couple of laps that will do a lot to lift my spirits. So pray with me that the surgery goes well and that they are able to do the least invasive surgery possible and that I will be able to make it to Relay for Life. Subsequently, if you would like to donate to our Relay for Life team use this link: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=29622&team_id=923920 We would love to see our goal reach $1000. We will be walking the 29th & 30th of April.

Well that's about all the news I can think of from here. Thank you for your continued prayers and I will keep you updated on what's to come. I truly appreciate all of your prayers, encouragement, and support over the past year. Without the Lord and you dear friends I don't know how I would have made it through this rough year. I love you all and thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

<3 Jillian

One more, hopefully!

Well, I had an appt with the Dr. today to discuss my last round of chemo, hopefully. I will go in on Monday for about five days and that is the last treatment in my protocol. It's hard for me to get excited yet and get my hopes up until after I go to Gainesville and get the all-clear from them. Dr. Johnson is going to call my Dr. in Gainesville and set up a time for me to go over there. That's when I will get my many, many scans done and see if the cancer is gone. I suppose we will also talk about removing that nodule in my left lung. When I had a CAT scan a couple of weeks ago to see how my lungs looked there weren't any more nodules besides the one and the Dr. said it was highly calcified and dense which is a great thing for osteosarcoma. I imagine that they will also talk about taking out my port. So, I don't know when all this will talk place and won't have any more information for another week or so. Oh, and I am hopeful that we will talk about a prosthetic leg as well and maybe get me started on some physical therapy. I still really want to go to Wisconsin for the summer, so I feel like I am on a bit of a time crunch here and I pray that things will progress quickly and a lot will be able to be accomplished in my visit to Gainesville.

It's really had to believe that I was diagnosed over a year ago and that I have undergone a year of chemotherapy. The Lord has been so good though and has seen my needs through every bit of this. When people ask me what I see for my future I really can't see past these next few months and the outcome of them. It will determine where I go from here. I know that with me having my last round of chemo next week (tentatively, as long as anything else doesn't pop up and God, I hope it doesn't) I should be really excited and relieved, but like I said I don't think I will get there until I have been given a clean bill of health in Gainesville. I'm afraid to get too hopeful yet. So I'm waiting patiently and trying to trust the Lord with the next couple of months. And really praying that I get some time off from all the hospital visits, dr. visits, and get to enjoy my summer.

Other than that I seem to be doing pretty well. I'm tired, but that's to be expected. I am still having pain in the area of my amputation, but nothing like it was. Jarred is being a great help when I need him to be. I'm still not very independent, but I think that after the chemo it will come.

SO, that's the update from here. I'll keep you posted and let you know when I'll be heading to Gainesville as soon as I hear.

The Homestretch is Supposed to Be a Happy Time, Right?

I had my Dr's appt this morning to discuss with Dr. Johnson the last three courses of my chemo. I knew going in that it is supposed to be three straight weeks of chemo. I didn't expect to go in until next week. And I didn't think about what three straight weeks of chemo meant. I just kept thinking, "ok, we're getting close to the end now, almost done!" I tried to prepare myself in case he wanted me to go in tomorrow or this week. I kept saying to myself, "be happy about this, you're almost done!" So when he said we can either admit you tomorrow or Thursday I don't know why the first thing out of my mouth was "I was thinking it wouldn't be until next week." I suppose I crave the normalcy of being at home. Of sleeping in my own bed. Or seeing my kid. Of getting to relax. I hate the hospital. I feel like I have spent more time in the hospital in the last year than out. I think I probably have. I don't know. I hate going to the hospital and being lonely. It sucks. That's all there is too it. I had psyched myself up to look at this "homestretch" as the Dr. calls it as a happy time. Imagine my surprise when I'm sitting in the Dr's office trying my best not to cry because I don't want to go to the hospital. This is supposed to be a happy time, right? I'm almost done. The Dr. told me that basically I will be admitted Thursday and discharged Tuesday then admitted the following Thursday (which gives me a day and a half at home) and discharged the following Tuesday and then finally admitted again the following Thursday and discharged the following Tuesday. Basically I am going to be in the hospital for the next three weeks. As long as my blood counts hold up then it will have to drag out even longer which I don't want. Have I mentioned that I hate being in the hospital. Alone. Bored. So yes, I know that I should be happy that I am in the homestretch, but walking out to the car all I could do was cry. And cry. And cry. I don't know why. I have so many different emotions waring inside of me. I should be feeling relief, but I am not feeling that quite yet. I am so ready for all of this to be over with. I am ready to go to Shands and get the clearance that everything is OK. Have the next lung surgery if they choose to do so and get on with my life. Go away for the summer. I just want to fast-forward my life right now. Really, really bad. I know that I'm at the end of my treatment Lord willing. But you see, I have been getting chemo for almost a year. That's a whole year of my life dedicated to just trying to stay above water. Staying at home. Staying away from sick people. Not really having much of a life. And to be honest it's been even longer of that if you count in the surgery before I was diagnosed and the months of suffering prior to that. I don't mean to whine and I don't want you to feel sorry for me I just have to vent. I'm tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I guess a big part of me is scared too. Scared to see whether or not this is really the end or if I'll have to start more treatments after this. I just want to hurry past the next three weeks to get to Shands and see if I'm cancer free. See if I'm going to live. See if I can have my life back for a while. I'm nervous, scared and anxious. What will it be like once I'm done with chemo and cleared? Will I still instinctively hold onto survival mode? How do I get out of it? Will I be OK to go home for the summer? Oh, so many questions and all the answers have to wait. I guess that is what the Lord means when He tells us to Trust in Him with all our hearts and lean not unto our own understanding or to Be still and know that He is God. He has all of this under control. He has it already worked out for me. But I still can't help but wonder HOW? Is more suffering in my future? Will I go on to have a happy, healthy, productive life after this? How does one transition from fighting cancer to living again. I suppose by taking it day by day. By forcing myself out of my comfort zones. By trying to get my independence back? Oh, so many questions so few answers.

So with a mindful and crying like a woman full of hormones I decided the best thing to do today was keep myself busy. Not go home. Not dwell. So I called my mom, had some retail therapy, lunch and a mani & pedi instead. I probably wouldn't have come home when I did if Jarred hadn't been coming home from school. It's nice outside. Really nice. Like summer almost. So I'm going to dig out my summer clothes tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to try to work up the energy to go to the beach and church. Then I'll come home and pack for the hospital and on Thursday I'll be admitted to start the course that will hopefully finish my fight in this battle. My plan today was to enjoy the two days that the Lord gave me before I go back in. To enjoy the time that I'm feeling OK enough to actually get out of the house. Because I know that once this triple round of chemo starts I'm going to be recuperating for quite some time.

So for those of you that were actually interested that was my basket case of a day ;)

Jill

Ready for the Next Round

Well, it's been a while since you've heard from me and you may wonder what's going on and where I am at in my treatment. Unfortunately we haven't made much progress since my last post. I now have four rounds of chemo left. This next round has been postponed twice due to my blood counts or platelets being so low. Which in turn has resulted in me being basically exhausted all the time. Therefore, I haven't been up to very much. Mostly sticking around the house and trying to avoid the numerous germs that seem to be taking over the households of my friends and church family. The last thing I need of course is to be sick!

Amanda, my friend from Wisconsin that had been here since November, left this week. Her presence is deeply missed. She was a great companion/caretaker for me. I hated to see her leave. Unfortunately her grandfather passed away rather suddenly which is why she had to go home so early. So, If you would keep her and her grandmother and family in your prayers I know they would appreciate it. Amanda is also considering moving down this way and I know that she would appreciate your prayers for the Lord's guidance in that area of her life as well. For those of you that got to meet her while she was here you know what a sweet girl she is and she managed to work her way into our hearts rather quickly. So I would be happy to have her here, but only if that is what the Lord wants for her life.

Jarred is doing alright. We are still muddling through the fifth grade. This year has proved to be very challenging. We've had to do so much more studying at home than in years past. He's a trooper though and is handling the load to the best of his ability. He keeps me giggling when I'm home and I'm pleased to say that as of lately we've reached a whole new level of bonding. Which is really great considering that now he wants to talk to me about "stuff" and we've established that it's good for him to do this before he hits those crazy teenager years. My prayer is that our line of communication will always be open and he will be able to come to me with anything and that I can have the grace I'll need when he does come. I don't want to be one of those parents that are always flipping out on him, but I don't want him to think I'm his buddy either. I just want him to trust me enough to share his heart, whatever may be on it. He is a sweet and caring young man and I look forward to seeing the man that he will become. I know that if he allows, God will do some wonderful things with his life.

Other things that have been filling my days at home include watching movies (big surprise there!), reading (still LOVING my Kindle!), attempting to knit, drinking tea, and studying or goofing off with Jarred. I have a sweet friend, Lori over at Ellenay Designs who is willing to put up with my amateur knitting and start a knitting group with me. We may be small, but we are mighty! You should check out her website. She makes the most beautiful jewelry. All handmade and with a lot of vintage/antique pieces. She's got some great stuff on there for Valentines Day. Anyway, I'm looking forward to a visit from her today to do some knitting, cooking and tea drinking. A nice way to spend a cold, overcast day if I do say so myself. So I have a fun filled afternoon ahead of me. Oh, and I am FINALLY getting new flooring in my apartment. If you've been here you know what a great thing this is! As soon as I go into the hospital a friend from church will be ripping up the carpet and putting down wood laminate flooring. Ahhhhh, I can't wait. It will look so much nicer in here. Not to mention easier for me to get around without tripping over the stupid carpet!

Well that's about all the news from here. Let me know what's going on in your neck of the woods!

I Have Been Blessed

Truly an understatement to say the least. As we drove to revival tonight I was filled with anticipation and hope. I'm a weeper. You may want to say that I'm just tenderhearted, but I weep very easily. The smallest things touch my heart and the tears just flow. I blame my father for this. Bless his sweet soul. He is so tenderhearted too. A quality that I love and admire him for deeply. As we were listening to Conversations by Sarah Groves, who seems to be able to speak the words of my heart, on the way to church I was already bubbling over with tears. Thinking back to the trials of years past and how deeply her words touched me in the loss of my Great-Grandmother, who for all practical purposes was like a mother to me spurred me to think of how God has truly blessed me and carried me through every storm in my life. Even before I was saved He was protecting, guiding, and making a way for me to Him.

When I got to church I opened my bible. I have several and this particular one, although it is my favorite, I haven't used in a while because the print is so small. As I opened it though I found several things inside. Among these were one of my blog posts that my Mom printed out when she came down for my amputation. It was my "Thinking list on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtue and praise." As I read through it I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with just how good God is. This has been a hard year. The hardest of my life, but I can look back over at this list and ponder on these things and realize just how truly blessed that I am. I can know that this is just a little bump in the road to eternity. I stand in awe of just how good and faithful God has been to me in this difficult journey. I am also reminded that the biggest struggle that I face on a day-to-day basis is redirecting my thoughts. I need to keep my mind steadied on the Word. Let it permeate every bit of my heart and brain. Only then will I truly be a conqueror in this battle. I also found in my bible a note that one of my physical therapists had given me two days after my amputation that had one of her favorite bible verses on it James 1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." The Lord has consistently put people in my path at the hospitals that are believers and an encouragement. It's hard to wrap your mind around counting cancer, and amputation and the life altering changes that those things bring as joy. Instead of complaining about how difficult the trials that I have faced and continue to face are I need to view them as an opportunity for growth and search for what the Lord wants me to glean from this valley.

So, before the preaching even started at revival Jesus had jump-started my heart into it's own little revival right there in my pew. I was just overwhelmed. I don't really know how else to put it into words. Then the choir, which consisted of the kids, teens and some adults sang the song I Have Been Blessed. I wish that I could find a good video to share with you of this song. It hold very special meaning for me and for Jarred. As I listened to the sweet voices sing the words of that song I realized that in spite of everything that has happened to me physically and in spite of how the devil has tried his hardest to get me down that I have been blessed in every sense of the word. No, I don't lead a life of extravagance. I may be considering poor by the worlds standards, but I am so rich in love, blessings, fellowship and my Savior. And what peace that truth brings.

The message that Phil Kidd brought tonight was titled Getting To The Next Level with God. I hope to post the link to that message once it's up on our churches website. It's certainly worth listening to. The message was brought out of Mark 2:1-5 & 11, 12. Those people had a revival going on and it was well known that Jesus was there. God was in the house! These four men wanted to bring a man sick with the palsy to him for healing. They knew if they could just get there that Jesus could no doubt heal him. Once they arrived it was so packed there was no way that they could get inside, so they climbed the roof and lowered him into house where Jesus was. When Jesus saw the four men's faith "he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee." Mark 2:5. All those men needed to do was take it to the next level. I was so enthralled with the message that I didn't jot down the points, but the key was just stepping up your walk with the Lord. Taking it to that next level. And that is what I so desire for myself. I want to get there and I know it starts with me being more dedicated and more faithful. It starts with me having an open heart and listening to what the Lord is trying to teach me. I don't really know what my spiritual gifts are, but I want to find them and I want to spend the rest of my life using them to glorify God. Will you please pray with me in this way?

It's late, but I just had to get these thoughts out there. We still have four more days of revival left and I know that the Lord is just going to do some miraculous things this week. I'm so happy that it worked out for me to be able to attend and I'm looking forward to see how the Lord is going to work in my life and the lives of my friends and family. Please pray for our revival services this week. Pray that our church will get fired up and this revival will live on in out hearts long after this week is over, but that it will result in life changing decisions and actions on the behalf of our brethren.

God Bless you all and goodnight :)

What's Going on In My New Year?

Well nothing much actually. It was a blessing to be released from the hospital on Christmas Eve. We accomplished an insane amount of things before heading home and were then able to enjoy an idyllic Christmas Eve.We had a wonderful Christmas here at home. Got up early and did the present thing then I went off to take a nap before going to our sweet friends home for Christmas dinner. It's so lovely to spend the Holidays with family, friends, and those you love. I felt so blessed just to be there, you know. To be here. To be. This time isn't promised to us by any means. That is the one lesson that I have learned in 2010. Life changes in the blink of an eye. Lesson learned. Check.

As I've read about peoples New Years resolutions, goals, etc. I don't even know where to begin or what to think. 2010, for me, was about survival. I'm still in survival mode and will be until I have completed my course of treatments. I still have five more chemo rounds. I will be admitted for the next round on Jan 18th, then the following week I will have another round. Then a three week break and the last three rounds will be back to back. Once finished with chemo I will have a follow-up with the Dr's in Gainsville to see where I am at. Scans and the whole bit. I also need to have that other nodule removed from my left lung. So at this point in time I am assuming that I will be finished by sometime in March. It's been a long, difficult year. It's gone by fast though and the light at the end of the tunnel is looking brighter every day.

These days my thoughts aren't so filled with things such as "will I make it through this journey? Will I live?" They are replaced with thoughts such as "When this treatment is over with what will I do? How do I make the transition back to self sufficiency? Where do I go from here?" All big questions. Where does the Lord want to lead me? What would He have me do with my life. All things for me to ponder and explore over these next few months. I do know what I want in some areas. Big breath. Exhale. I do have some...... goals! Mine are kind of broken up into time frames and some require working up to. I hope to be getting my prosthetic leg in the next few months and I know that will require lots of physical therapy. I'm thinking that if I can learn to use that properly that it will make me feel so much more independent.

Ok, this is where I have to digress for a bit. Dependency. I have never been a person that is heavily dependent on others. I've always been very independent. Even since childhood. This last year I've had all of my independence taken from me. Cooking my own meals, cleaning my house, shopping, etc. are all things I've had to depend on others for. Now there are and have been those rare occasions that I've been able to do a little myself here and there, but for the most part I've depended on my church family and friends. I've had constant companions in Carrie, Callie, and Amanda. The Lord has provided so gracefully in those areas. I just don't know how we would have gotten by without all the help the Lord has given me in the way of people with hearts to serve. But I know that the time is coming near when I will need to start regaining my independence. So I would like to slowly dive back into doing things for myself. Right now it takes a great deal of effort and wears me out completely, but I do still see little things I can do and need to force myself to do those things. I'd very much like to get my house reorganized while I have Amanda here to help. That's big on my list!

Anyway, sorry for the rant! I would also like to start driving again. I pretty much stopped driving last March. I've been a bit - ok, more than a bit - reluctant about driving. Which if you know me - and my independent streak - this is very unusual. That's an area I definitely need to push myself in. I would also like to take a trip to Wisconsin for the Summer. In my mind this is such a huge and daunting task. Traveling on the plane with the wheelchair and needing the walker too. Getting to the gates. It seems a bit scary to me. I know that they offer handicapped assistance, but I am still nervous about the trip itself. On the other hand I've never been to Wisconsin in the Summer and think that it would be such a lovely time to get away and be with my family there. I hope to also start taking a few classes in the fall towards my BAS degree. I've had to take time off since I've been sick and now that I have the disability coming in, I think it will be the perfect time to jump back into school and finish up my degree quickly.

I just know that I don't want to take life for granted anymore and enjoy it as much as possible. After all that I've been through I've realized that you have to make the most of the time you do have. I don't want to spend my time wishing I had done more. I'd like to take more trips. Visit the places Jarred and I have talked about going. I'd like to get in my head that these limitations I have are not really limitations but a blessing that has caused me to slow down and evaluate what's really important. They've caused me to not just be "busy" for the point of doing something, but to choose my time and activities wisely. Or they will, I should say, when I get past the ill effects of chemo.

Most importantly I need to be a more dedicated Christian. I need to read my bible more, pray more and I need to walk the walk. Or in my case hop the hop, lol :)

So, as this first week to 2011 comes to a close I haven't really done anything. I've been feeling ill and resting as much as possible. I thank God that he allows me the time to rest. To rejuvenate. And you know what? I don't feel guilty that most of the past week has either been spent on my couch or in my bed. So there.

We have revival coming up next week at church and I had prayed and hoped that I would be able to make it. Let's face it, we all need some reviving, right? Well I know that I am in desperate need of revival and can't wait. I'm praying that I'll feel well and be able to go every night. Also praying that some of my family will come too. That would make me so happy. If you are in this area and would like to come please let me know. I would love to have you as my guest. I'm really looking forward to seeing what the Lord will do in our church. How we will get stirred up and what convictions the Lord will raise in our hearts. I pray that this year Jarred will have an open heart and ears to hear what the Lord has to say to him.

Since I hadn't updated in a while I thought some of you might like to know what's going on with my treatment and in my life. Lets add update blog more frequently to that goal list :) Sometimes I don't feel like I have much interesting to say or that I'm being redundant.
Well, I'll work on that too.

Until later.........