Pictures

My parents have been in town visiting the last couple of days and we have had a really good time. We got to go to PF Changs on Friday night for dinner (which is one of my favorite places to eat!) My Mom also took a bunch of pictures of me in the knitted chemo caps that her knitting group have made and sent me. So here are some recent pix.....

Me and Mom an PF Changs


Christa and the girls

Grandma B and me at PF Changs

All the boys (Jarred, Grandpa Don, and Daddy)

This one was made by Kelly

This was made by Amy

This one was made by my mom (The picture doesn't really do it a whole lot of justice)

This one was made by Jill (not me, another one, lol)

This one was made by LeeAnne

This one was made by Tammy

This is a wig my friend Dani got for me. I'm not quiet used to seeing myself with a short haircut, lol (which is funny considering that I'm bald).

The blessing of sweet fellowship

I sometimes think that my blog is becoming very repetitive because I seem to be focused on the same thoughts. I hope not though. Although the Lord keeps giving me the same verses and thoughts over and over. I think maybe He might be trying to drill them in my head, lol!

I say it all the time, but I AM SO GLAD I'M SAVED! I don't know how one goes through this life, yet alone trials and valley's without God. I had the privilege last night to be able to attend the Secret Prayer Partner meeting at church with the ladies. Every six months all the ladies get together and draw names in secret and pray for one special person. At the end of the six months we meet again and reveal who we've been praying for and draw new names. I hadn't been able to attend the last time or two, so it was certainly a blessing to feel well enough to go this time. Since my mom is here I took her along with me. It was such a tremendous blessing. My church is unlike any place I've ever been. The people really and truly care, love, and pray for one another. It is the epitome of what a church should be and the very picture of how Christians should act towards one another. I can't even begin to detail everything that the church has done for me just in the last couple of months since I've been diagnosed. Among many other things there is a family that takes care of my sweet boy when I leave. It is the perfect place for him to be. The church also voted to pay for my cars transmission which had to be replaced just before the last Gainsville trip. They've cooked meals, sat with me, cleaned for me and so much more. I don't know what I would do without these wonderfully, loving people in my life. Most importantly they pray for me daily. Really pray. The friendships that I've built over my three years there are relationships I will have for eternity. I know that God put me in this place for this time because He knew that I would need a very large support group. My mom said yesterday that she had heard that it takes a village to fight cancer. Well, i surely have a village around me and am so thankful for it!

But back to the prayer partner meeting. It was such a blessing to just be there and fellowship with these amazing, godly, praying women. Women that are truly prayer warriors. I enjoy having someone special to pray for. Although I pray for a lot of people all the time there is just something special about having that one lady that is constantly brought to mind. I've always found that having that special someone to pray for and having their burdens to bear helps me focus more on others and less on myself. Which is something I very much want and need to do now more than ever. I often find myself praying and crying out to the Lord on my behalf and feel so selfish because of that. I know the bible says "we have not because we ask not," so I always try to ask.

I am so thankful that the Lord brought me to a good church family. If you are reading this and you go to Faith then I thank God for you. Thank you for the encouragement that you all are, thank you for loving me, thank you for praying for me, and thank you for being such a blessing to me. I love each and every one of you.

A kiss on the cheek........

Sometimes during just an ordinary, mundane day the Lord comes along and gives us a kiss on the cheek. I got to experience this blessing today when my home health nurse came to visit. It's not always the same one. As a matter of fact I've had a different one every time. Today a nice lady came by (even though it took her FOREVER to find my veins to draw blood-hate it when they dig around) and she was a believer. She told me about her son who had a rare blood disorder at birth and was sick for many years before going on a trial treatment. Now he's almost 20 and completely cured. She just sat here and talked about how good God is. She said that at one point she just fell on her face before God and cried out to Him. I know and understand those feelings completely. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was going to cure her son whether by miracle or medicine.

I pray that I can have that type of faith. I trust God completely, but sometimes it's hard because my future is so uncertain. Everyone's is I suppose. But with such a big scary disease it makes the uncertainties that much scarier. I think I'll be happy to just celebrate my birthday this year. I suppose that's my problem sometime, I'm thinking on the future too much. The bible teaches us that we are to "Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" From that verse I glean that today, this moment, is worth more than worrying about the future. I also know " Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth." I have to constantly remind myself of these verses. It's hard you know, trusting but still being afraid. I need to keep my mind on heavenly, eternal thoughts. Like Corinthians 4:17 teaches "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;"

Anyway, the nurse that came by today was an encouragement to me and a blessing (even if she needs to work on her needle skills, lol!). I hope that you have experienced a kiss on the cheek from the Lord lately too :)

Jesus wept

Jesus Wept.
The shortest sentence on the Bible is big on meaning.
We know that Jesus knew the pain of grief, fatigue, and doubt that we all experience.
Even He was sometimes afraid and unsure of what path He should take.
No wonder everyday people like you and me can feel helpless!
But it's comforting to know how well Jesus understands us.
He is here for me right now.
I know this is a difficult time.
But I want to remind you that Jesus cares too.
He brings me peace and love well beyond my own.
I don't have to bear any troubles alone.
I have Jesus right by my side.

This was a a card that was sent to me and I thought it was nice, so I wanted to share it. I changed the words in the poem a little to reflect it coming from me rather than a third person.

What to blog about????

I've been on a bloggy-break. Sorry for the long delay since my last post. I know that a lot of you read this to keep up-to-date with what's going on with me. After getting out of the hospital (Shands) in the beginning of May I had another brief stint at the hospital at home b/c of my heart. Ugh. I'm still not quite feeling myself yet. I've only been home a few days. But am feeling better and better everyday.

I'm really looking forward to my parents visiting next week, and I hope I have enough energy to make their visit a good one. I'm so glad they're coming. You know, I am so fortunate to have such good family and friends. I think all the time (everyday in fact) that I am so glad I'm saved. I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord placed me in this place for this time in my life. Long before I knew I had cancer He was working to make sure I would be taken care of.

"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered." Matthew 10:28-30

"But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." Luke 12:7

How much more then will my Father care for me still? He will. I know it. I have such peace about the outcome of my life through Christ. I hope you have it too. I don't know how anyone gets through the day without Christ. I'm constantly saying it. I'm so glad I'm saved.

No, I don't like cancer. There are days when I HATE it. But that hate for this disease is thankfully bringing me closer to the Lord.

I'm at home till the first of June. Then back to Shands for more chemo. I'm hoping in the next days to be feeling like myself again.

Thank you all for your prayers. I do covet them so. I love each and everyone of you and thank God for you!

***Update***

As soon as I had that last post typed out my Cardiologist walked in. She believes that an ablation would be beneficial for me. There, of course, is no guarantee that it will work, but there is about an 80% chance of success. PLEASE begin praying about the success of this now. We will go ahead with Chemo tomorrow and the ablation will be performed on either Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. This also means that I will be staying here through the next round of chemo which will start on the 7th of May.

I am not sure how much longer Grandma B will be with me. She's been here since Monday. I imagine she will stay at least two more days. This will leave me needing someone to be here with me and drive me home, so pray about it and if the Lord puts it on your heart to be here please come :)

I'll be here!

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14

So, what's next?

That seems to be my continuous question here in ICU. It's many of yours as well. The truth is that although there may be a "plan" in place for later today or even tomorrow at any moment that plan can be tossed out the window and a new one made. Sometime things are so complex that the plan is done away with and it takes time to devise a new one so we're just left wondering, what's next. But isn't that life in general? I like to have a plan. I like to stick to the plan. You can then imagine how difficult it has been for me the last couple of months. Waiting is never an easy thing to do. During this time of waiting I have drawn closer to the Lord though. I'm seeing His work come to fruition. Although I can never see the big picture this side of heaven, I'm learning that life works out better when I wait on Him.

I've never considered myself to be a patient person, but I've noticed that through all of this I am at peace during those times I have to wait. Which reminds me of a bible verse, "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:" Romans 5:2-4. I could have never imagined myself glorying in tribulations before now. It's amazing what a change in perspective will do. I love that I can so closely identify with the scriptures now. I wish that it didn't take cancer to get me to this place.

As you may already know the cardioversion I had Wednesday afternoon was unsuccessful. The hope was that by shocking my heart it would go back into a normal rhythm/rate. Did you know that when they shock a person with those paddles it leaves a burn! Ouch!! When you see it done on tv you don't really think about specifics of it. It's not that bad though. It looks like someone dropped a min iron on my chest. Anyway, I was very disappointed that it didn't work. However when I woke up early this morning my heart was in a sinus rhythm (that's the normal rhythm)!!! YAY!! I think the Lord just wanted to make sure He was the one receiving the glory, not some crazy machine or Dr's! I'm happy to give Him the glory too! As if that wasn't good enough, the Dr's are allowing me to go ahead and start my chemo in the morning!!!! YAY!!! Hopefully by Monday I will clear the chemo and then one of two things will happen. There is a slight possibility that I may need to have another procedure on my heart to fix the rapid heartbeat. This procedure is called a catheter ablation. If the cardiologist decides I need to have this procedure it would be done early next week. They would give me a few days to recover and then would start my 4th round of chemo on May 7th. After a few days of monitoring I would get to go home for a few weeks. The other possibility is not having the ablation and going home on Monday once the chemo has cleared. I would need to be back to Shands on the 10th of May for my 4th round of chemo. After that I would get to go home for a few weeks.

At this point I am at peace with either option. Of course I would like as much time at home as possible. Especially after being here much longer than expected this time. Although, I don't want to have issues with my heart cause future delay's either. If the ablation would truly "fix" this problem with my heart then I am wholeheartedly for it. This is where the whole plan/change of plan concept comes into play. Today my heart looks good and the Dr's feel they can control it with meds; however, tomorrow could be completely different. Also, the Dr's that I met with this morning had not yet consulted with the cardiologist, so she may have a very different opinion as to what needs to be done.

In the meantime, I'm claiming this as my verse: "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14