That seems to be my continuous question here in ICU. It's many of yours as well. The truth is that although there may be a "plan" in place for later today or even tomorrow at any moment that plan can be tossed out the window and a new one made. Sometime things are so complex that the plan is done away with and it takes time to devise a new one so we're just left wondering, what's next. But isn't that life in general? I like to have a plan. I like to stick to the plan. You can then imagine how difficult it has been for me the last couple of months. Waiting is never an easy thing to do. During this time of waiting I have drawn closer to the Lord though. I'm seeing His work come to fruition. Although I can never see the big picture this side of heaven, I'm learning that life works out better when I wait on Him.
I've never considered myself to be a patient person, but I've noticed that through all of this I am at peace during those times I have to wait. Which reminds me of a bible verse, "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:" Romans 5:2-4. I could have never imagined myself glorying in tribulations before now. It's amazing what a change in perspective will do. I love that I can so closely identify with the scriptures now. I wish that it didn't take cancer to get me to this place.
As you may already know the cardioversion I had Wednesday afternoon was unsuccessful. The hope was that by shocking my heart it would go back into a normal rhythm/rate. Did you know that when they shock a person with those paddles it leaves a burn! Ouch!! When you see it done on tv you don't really think about specifics of it. It's not that bad though. It looks like someone dropped a min iron on my chest. Anyway, I was very disappointed that it didn't work. However when I woke up early this morning my heart was in a sinus rhythm (that's the normal rhythm)!!! YAY!! I think the Lord just wanted to make sure He was the one receiving the glory, not some crazy machine or Dr's! I'm happy to give Him the glory too! As if that wasn't good enough, the Dr's are allowing me to go ahead and start my chemo in the morning!!!! YAY!!! Hopefully by Monday I will clear the chemo and then one of two things will happen. There is a slight possibility that I may need to have another procedure on my heart to fix the rapid heartbeat. This procedure is called a catheter ablation. If the cardiologist decides I need to have this procedure it would be done early next week. They would give me a few days to recover and then would start my 4th round of chemo on May 7th. After a few days of monitoring I would get to go home for a few weeks. The other possibility is not having the ablation and going home on Monday once the chemo has cleared. I would need to be back to Shands on the 10th of May for my 4th round of chemo. After that I would get to go home for a few weeks.
At this point I am at peace with either option. Of course I would like as much time at home as possible. Especially after being here much longer than expected this time. Although, I don't want to have issues with my heart cause future delay's either. If the ablation would truly "fix" this problem with my heart then I am wholeheartedly for it. This is where the whole plan/change of plan concept comes into play. Today my heart looks good and the Dr's feel they can control it with meds; however, tomorrow could be completely different. Also, the Dr's that I met with this morning had not yet consulted with the cardiologist, so she may have a very different opinion as to what needs to be done.
In the meantime, I'm claiming this as my verse: "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14
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Thursday, April 29, 2010
So, what's next?
That seems to be my continuous question here in ICU. It's many of yours as well. The truth is that although there may be a "plan" in place for later today or even tomorrow at any moment that plan can be tossed out the window and a new one made. Sometime things are so complex that the plan is done away with and it takes time to devise a new one so we're just left wondering, what's next. But isn't that life in general? I like to have a plan. I like to stick to the plan. You can then imagine how difficult it has been for me the last couple of months. Waiting is never an easy thing to do. During this time of waiting I have drawn closer to the Lord though. I'm seeing His work come to fruition. Although I can never see the big picture this side of heaven, I'm learning that life works out better when I wait on Him.
I've never considered myself to be a patient person, but I've noticed that through all of this I am at peace during those times I have to wait. Which reminds me of a bible verse, "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:" Romans 5:2-4. I could have never imagined myself glorying in tribulations before now. It's amazing what a change in perspective will do. I love that I can so closely identify with the scriptures now. I wish that it didn't take cancer to get me to this place.
As you may already know the cardioversion I had Wednesday afternoon was unsuccessful. The hope was that by shocking my heart it would go back into a normal rhythm/rate. Did you know that when they shock a person with those paddles it leaves a burn! Ouch!! When you see it done on tv you don't really think about specifics of it. It's not that bad though. It looks like someone dropped a min iron on my chest. Anyway, I was very disappointed that it didn't work. However when I woke up early this morning my heart was in a sinus rhythm (that's the normal rhythm)!!! YAY!! I think the Lord just wanted to make sure He was the one receiving the glory, not some crazy machine or Dr's! I'm happy to give Him the glory too! As if that wasn't good enough, the Dr's are allowing me to go ahead and start my chemo in the morning!!!! YAY!!! Hopefully by Monday I will clear the chemo and then one of two things will happen. There is a slight possibility that I may need to have another procedure on my heart to fix the rapid heartbeat. This procedure is called a catheter ablation. If the cardiologist decides I need to have this procedure it would be done early next week. They would give me a few days to recover and then would start my 4th round of chemo on May 7th. After a few days of monitoring I would get to go home for a few weeks. The other possibility is not having the ablation and going home on Monday once the chemo has cleared. I would need to be back to Shands on the 10th of May for my 4th round of chemo. After that I would get to go home for a few weeks.
At this point I am at peace with either option. Of course I would like as much time at home as possible. Especially after being here much longer than expected this time. Although, I don't want to have issues with my heart cause future delay's either. If the ablation would truly "fix" this problem with my heart then I am wholeheartedly for it. This is where the whole plan/change of plan concept comes into play. Today my heart looks good and the Dr's feel they can control it with meds; however, tomorrow could be completely different. Also, the Dr's that I met with this morning had not yet consulted with the cardiologist, so she may have a very different opinion as to what needs to be done.
In the meantime, I'm claiming this as my verse: "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14
I've never considered myself to be a patient person, but I've noticed that through all of this I am at peace during those times I have to wait. Which reminds me of a bible verse, "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:" Romans 5:2-4. I could have never imagined myself glorying in tribulations before now. It's amazing what a change in perspective will do. I love that I can so closely identify with the scriptures now. I wish that it didn't take cancer to get me to this place.
As you may already know the cardioversion I had Wednesday afternoon was unsuccessful. The hope was that by shocking my heart it would go back into a normal rhythm/rate. Did you know that when they shock a person with those paddles it leaves a burn! Ouch!! When you see it done on tv you don't really think about specifics of it. It's not that bad though. It looks like someone dropped a min iron on my chest. Anyway, I was very disappointed that it didn't work. However when I woke up early this morning my heart was in a sinus rhythm (that's the normal rhythm)!!! YAY!! I think the Lord just wanted to make sure He was the one receiving the glory, not some crazy machine or Dr's! I'm happy to give Him the glory too! As if that wasn't good enough, the Dr's are allowing me to go ahead and start my chemo in the morning!!!! YAY!!! Hopefully by Monday I will clear the chemo and then one of two things will happen. There is a slight possibility that I may need to have another procedure on my heart to fix the rapid heartbeat. This procedure is called a catheter ablation. If the cardiologist decides I need to have this procedure it would be done early next week. They would give me a few days to recover and then would start my 4th round of chemo on May 7th. After a few days of monitoring I would get to go home for a few weeks. The other possibility is not having the ablation and going home on Monday once the chemo has cleared. I would need to be back to Shands on the 10th of May for my 4th round of chemo. After that I would get to go home for a few weeks.
At this point I am at peace with either option. Of course I would like as much time at home as possible. Especially after being here much longer than expected this time. Although, I don't want to have issues with my heart cause future delay's either. If the ablation would truly "fix" this problem with my heart then I am wholeheartedly for it. This is where the whole plan/change of plan concept comes into play. Today my heart looks good and the Dr's feel they can control it with meds; however, tomorrow could be completely different. Also, the Dr's that I met with this morning had not yet consulted with the cardiologist, so she may have a very different opinion as to what needs to be done.
In the meantime, I'm claiming this as my verse: "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14
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