I'm still in the hospital, lol. They haven't sent me packing yet and are likely not to do so anytime soon. I was pretty disappointed about not getting to go home on time last week, but as always, God had a plan and was keeping me here for very good reasons. Saturday morning my Methotrexate (chemo) levels were just where they needed to be, but my heart was still beating a little too fast and the Dr's wanted to monitor it for at least another day. Considering that I had to be back in town on Monday they decided to just keep me over the weekend. Praise the Lord for that!! (I never thought I'd be praising God for keeping me here, lol) Saturday night my heart started beating WAY too fast and I was transferred to ICU. I'm so glad that I was in the hospital for that little episode. It was very scary. Once they got me down here and stable it was about 3am before I fell asleep. Considering that it was a weekend not a whole lot could be accomplished.
My oncologist has been pushing for me to get an MRI of my heart since I was admitted last week. Thankfully, the other Dr's now feel that needs to be done as well. I've had just about every other test that can be done on the heart with the exception of the MRI & exploratory open heart surgery (which is not at all an option! Whew!!) The oncologist is concerned that there may be lesions on my heart, which would be VERY rare. However, everything thus far has been rare. On this test I am desperately hoping for something normal, or at least not lesions!! The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow as is the procedure to have another port installed. In the meantime I have been put on another beta-blocker that is meant to slow down my heart. I will need to be closely monitored for about three days. I have to stay in the ICU for this because the nursing staff on my floor (the 8th) is not equipped to give me that kind of attention nor can they administer the IV drug that is being used to keep my heart rate under control.
I seriously need prayer about my heart. We need to get it under control so that we can proceed with my chemo schedule. My oncologist explained to me today that in order for this chemo treatment to be as aggressive as it needs to be we have to stick to the schedule and cannot afford more delays. Having the back to back chemo treatments that I am having makes it extremely important to stick to the schedule. Please, please, please pray about this with me. I'm ready to put these heart problems behind me and continue this fight!
From an emotional standpoint though, I am fine. I'm trying really hard not to lean unto my own understanding in this and acknowledge God in every bit of it. I KNOW that He has a plan even in these little delays. God has been so very good to me and I know that He will continue to be so. Before I was diagnosed I took so much for granted. I complained all the time about trivial circumstances and struggled with learning to be content. I don't want those characteristics to pollute my life now. I'd like to, as much as possible while living in reality, think on all the blessings I have. I can see how it would be so easy to get my eyes off of God and the negative aspects of this battle. I am determined not to do so!
I thank God that I am saved by the One who is the author and finisher or my faith.
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Monday, April 26, 2010
Hoping for Something "Normal"
I'm still in the hospital, lol. They haven't sent me packing yet and are likely not to do so anytime soon. I was pretty disappointed about not getting to go home on time last week, but as always, God had a plan and was keeping me here for very good reasons. Saturday morning my Methotrexate (chemo) levels were just where they needed to be, but my heart was still beating a little too fast and the Dr's wanted to monitor it for at least another day. Considering that I had to be back in town on Monday they decided to just keep me over the weekend. Praise the Lord for that!! (I never thought I'd be praising God for keeping me here, lol) Saturday night my heart started beating WAY too fast and I was transferred to ICU. I'm so glad that I was in the hospital for that little episode. It was very scary. Once they got me down here and stable it was about 3am before I fell asleep. Considering that it was a weekend not a whole lot could be accomplished.
My oncologist has been pushing for me to get an MRI of my heart since I was admitted last week. Thankfully, the other Dr's now feel that needs to be done as well. I've had just about every other test that can be done on the heart with the exception of the MRI & exploratory open heart surgery (which is not at all an option! Whew!!) The oncologist is concerned that there may be lesions on my heart, which would be VERY rare. However, everything thus far has been rare. On this test I am desperately hoping for something normal, or at least not lesions!! The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow as is the procedure to have another port installed. In the meantime I have been put on another beta-blocker that is meant to slow down my heart. I will need to be closely monitored for about three days. I have to stay in the ICU for this because the nursing staff on my floor (the 8th) is not equipped to give me that kind of attention nor can they administer the IV drug that is being used to keep my heart rate under control.
I seriously need prayer about my heart. We need to get it under control so that we can proceed with my chemo schedule. My oncologist explained to me today that in order for this chemo treatment to be as aggressive as it needs to be we have to stick to the schedule and cannot afford more delays. Having the back to back chemo treatments that I am having makes it extremely important to stick to the schedule. Please, please, please pray about this with me. I'm ready to put these heart problems behind me and continue this fight!
From an emotional standpoint though, I am fine. I'm trying really hard not to lean unto my own understanding in this and acknowledge God in every bit of it. I KNOW that He has a plan even in these little delays. God has been so very good to me and I know that He will continue to be so. Before I was diagnosed I took so much for granted. I complained all the time about trivial circumstances and struggled with learning to be content. I don't want those characteristics to pollute my life now. I'd like to, as much as possible while living in reality, think on all the blessings I have. I can see how it would be so easy to get my eyes off of God and the negative aspects of this battle. I am determined not to do so!
I thank God that I am saved by the One who is the author and finisher or my faith.
My oncologist has been pushing for me to get an MRI of my heart since I was admitted last week. Thankfully, the other Dr's now feel that needs to be done as well. I've had just about every other test that can be done on the heart with the exception of the MRI & exploratory open heart surgery (which is not at all an option! Whew!!) The oncologist is concerned that there may be lesions on my heart, which would be VERY rare. However, everything thus far has been rare. On this test I am desperately hoping for something normal, or at least not lesions!! The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow as is the procedure to have another port installed. In the meantime I have been put on another beta-blocker that is meant to slow down my heart. I will need to be closely monitored for about three days. I have to stay in the ICU for this because the nursing staff on my floor (the 8th) is not equipped to give me that kind of attention nor can they administer the IV drug that is being used to keep my heart rate under control.
I seriously need prayer about my heart. We need to get it under control so that we can proceed with my chemo schedule. My oncologist explained to me today that in order for this chemo treatment to be as aggressive as it needs to be we have to stick to the schedule and cannot afford more delays. Having the back to back chemo treatments that I am having makes it extremely important to stick to the schedule. Please, please, please pray about this with me. I'm ready to put these heart problems behind me and continue this fight!
From an emotional standpoint though, I am fine. I'm trying really hard not to lean unto my own understanding in this and acknowledge God in every bit of it. I KNOW that He has a plan even in these little delays. God has been so very good to me and I know that He will continue to be so. Before I was diagnosed I took so much for granted. I complained all the time about trivial circumstances and struggled with learning to be content. I don't want those characteristics to pollute my life now. I'd like to, as much as possible while living in reality, think on all the blessings I have. I can see how it would be so easy to get my eyes off of God and the negative aspects of this battle. I am determined not to do so!
I thank God that I am saved by the One who is the author and finisher or my faith.
2 comments:
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shauna said...
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Jill,
I had told my mom earlier that I thanked God you didn't go home on Friday. I am so glad you were at the hospital when you had the trouble with your heart! I cannot even imagine the struggle you must go through every minute to trust in the Lord with all your heart, but I believe he is helping you as you radiate his peace in all your writings. I love you very much and pray for you many times throughout the day. Hoping they can find out what is going on with your heart, so that you can get back to fighting this thing!
ps- Thank the Lord for your computer...I would have loved to have been able to stay connected while in ICU. I hope you have some good nurses in there <3 -
April 26, 2010 at 9:15 PM
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momof5girls said...
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It's always so good to hear your latest post. It's hard being so far away and not knowing, but as you say our precious Lord knows about it all and there are no surprises to Him. I just can't thank the Lord enough for the grace and peace He is bestowing upon you right when you need it each time. Isn't it amazing how the rest of us, who love you so, are able to get a blessing from your grace also? I guess that's just an example of "amazing grace". I love you sweet girl and will continue to lift you up in prayer and look forward to the day we hear the words cancer free! By the way, Bro. Mitch Smith's bro. Steve just got to hear those very words from his Dr. So Praise the Lord for that! I hope you are able to rest well and get good news tomorrow. Love you!
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April 26, 2010 at 10:02 PM
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2 comments:
Jill,
I had told my mom earlier that I thanked God you didn't go home on Friday. I am so glad you were at the hospital when you had the trouble with your heart! I cannot even imagine the struggle you must go through every minute to trust in the Lord with all your heart, but I believe he is helping you as you radiate his peace in all your writings. I love you very much and pray for you many times throughout the day. Hoping they can find out what is going on with your heart, so that you can get back to fighting this thing!
ps- Thank the Lord for your computer...I would have loved to have been able to stay connected while in ICU. I hope you have some good nurses in there <3
It's always so good to hear your latest post. It's hard being so far away and not knowing, but as you say our precious Lord knows about it all and there are no surprises to Him. I just can't thank the Lord enough for the grace and peace He is bestowing upon you right when you need it each time. Isn't it amazing how the rest of us, who love you so, are able to get a blessing from your grace also? I guess that's just an example of "amazing grace". I love you sweet girl and will continue to lift you up in prayer and look forward to the day we hear the words cancer free! By the way, Bro. Mitch Smith's bro. Steve just got to hear those very words from his Dr. So Praise the Lord for that! I hope you are able to rest well and get good news tomorrow. Love you!
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